I was born in Los Angeles, California, and had a very unhappy childhood because my parents often fought, and I frequently felt lonely. When I was nine, my parents divorced. Then I moved with my mother to Jakarta, Indonesia. I became a foreigner. My growing years were filled with insecurity, because the language, culture, and school all changed. In order to adapt, I gradually became compromising and eager to please others.

At thirteen I began smoking, and then I used marijuana. At fourteen I used ecstasy and amphetamines. I smoked and used marijuana because of peer pressure and the desire to be part of the group. I even used marijuana because of the pressure of dating and breaking up. At that time, ecstasy and rave parties were popular at school. I learned it all at once and could not get away from it. At first I felt it was wrong, but because everyone was using it and I liked the high feeling, I became addicted without considering the consequences.

When I returned to America for college and work, I was still using drugs, and the use became more intense. I had come to depend on drugs for everything, whether schoolwork, work, facing customers, or even dating my girlfriend. I relied on drugs to become the “good man” she wanted and to endure her nagging. What hurt me most, however, was that drugs made my relationship with my family distant and broke the heart of the mother who loved me.

For one hit of drugs, I used all kinds of methods and excuses, joining with friends to deceive my mother. At the time I thought my lies were well-intentioned: on one hand I did not want to hurt her, and on the other I did not want her to know she had a son who used drugs.

But my mother found out anyway. She was heartbroken and asked me to go to Operation Dawn. When I first came, I was very doubtful. I had been to other recovery centers, but I did not know the people here. Operation Dawn’s treatment used only the gospel and the Bible, and its rules were strict: no smoking, no video games, no foul language. To live like that for eighteen months seemed impossible. I was very unwilling and did not believe in this method, but because I had nowhere else to go and felt ashamed before my mother, I decided to try.

Today I have been at Operation Dawn for nine months. I have learned to trust and obey. In these nine months, from initially thinking that I was “suffering” to now, I have begun to see myself and life differently. Not only have I not smoked a single cigarette, I have also accomplished things that I previously could not do without drugs.

I have experienced God. He did not give up on me. Through obeying my mother, I learned to obey God, and God revealed to me what kind of person I am. Now my life and worldview are different. I know that although this world is still frightening, I no longer need drugs to face life, because I now believe in Jesus. I only need to rely on Him and trust Him. Therefore today I am being baptized to express my commitment. Thank you, everyone.

Hongquan