Looking back on the past year, Operation Dawn gave me a turning point and a unique experience. Although there were highs and lows, it was completely different from my past life. I can loudly declare that God opened my awareness, thoughts, mind, and spiritual life, giving me a new outlook on life, a vision aligned with His purpose in creation. I know the road ahead is still long, but now I face the future with understanding and confidence. I know the right direction, not only because I understand the purpose of my life, but also because I know that in God’s eyes I am unique and precious beyond measure.

In the past, my life was dim, hopeless, fearful, and empty, like a candle that could be blown out at any moment. I thought I understood the emptiness and futility of life, that it was meaningless and purposeless, so I drifted through each day with no future in sight, trying to endure by my own strength and searching for meaning, peace, joy, and satisfaction. Yet the despair and emptiness deep inside could not be denied, nor even truly relieved, by effort, success, planning, busyness, optimism, imagined desires, achievements, excitement, sensory stimulation, helping others, or emotional and spiritual intensity.

Deep in my spirit I cried out. Though I knew it was futile, I still relied on material things, possessions, and entertainment to escape boredom and negativity. When I tasted the coldness and cruelty of others, I treated those around me in the same retaliatory way.

Cynicism sprouted, grew, and blossomed in my heart, hatching bitterness and resentment toward society and human nature. Even among so-called friends and relatives, human nature seemed to operate by the law of “every person for themselves,” survival of the fittest, and winners taking all. I did not understand why nothing could move me or make me appreciate life, from simple good food, companionship, and natural beauty to occasions that should have been joyful. To my world-weary self, everything became a numb form of stimulation. I felt lonely and out of place with everyone. I had no hope for anything and could not affirm anything good.

In that condition, I came to House of Dawn. This dramatic change and rebuilding of my outlook on life was something I never expected. Although I cannot clearly point to the exact moment when that sense of peace first knocked on the door of my heart, I can firmly testify that God Himself touched me with peace, grace, love, and joy when I was alone. A clear image appeared in my mind: a good shepherd searching for, calling, and gently touching a stubborn, disobedient, lost sheep. He gently guided me, pulled me out of the dark abyss, placed me on solid ground, and smiled as He let me walk the road ahead. Though I stumbled along the way, under His guidance I walked on the right path.

I first had to learn to accept myself and see God’s grace in the way He understood me and dealt with me. Only then could I understand my chaotic past and come to terms with myself. In my heart, I honestly admitted my surrender and welcomed God’s presence.

From that moment on, day by day, I gained new insights into my old negative ideas, received new understanding, and little by little overturned my former outlook on life. In devotions, God’s Word revived and encouraged me. In classes, teachings that I once thought were just lofty slogans unrelated to my life now brought me comfort, encouragement, and direction. In music, my spirit was stirred, and emotions hidden for a long time were truly released.

God pulled me out of my old chaotic and noisy environment and placed me in Operation Dawn to win me and shape me. In simplicity and quietness, I learned many lessons: love, community, peace, self-discipline, responsibility, gratitude, service, co-laboring, selflessness, acceptance, forgiveness, patience, and especially walking in God’s way and according to His heart. Even in developing daily life skills and habits such as sleeping, reading, journaling, cooking, and cleaning, God opened my heart to see their necessity for real life. One by one, I removed the bandages that had bound my past, faced them, dealt with them, and overcame them. Teachers, volunteers, and countless visitors enriched and moved me. The encouragement and support we received when sharing our experiences, struggles, and difficulties also became rich and moving lessons. I received much comfort and blessing, allowing me to quiet the anxieties, guilt, shame, and remorse in my life. I saw His hand revealed in my life and in my family, reminding me to receive His abundant grace. If God had not led me to House of Dawn, I believe I would never have had the chance to meet these people and share this wonderful testimony. Wherever I go, these experiences God has given me will go with me. I will treasure our friendship and these beautiful memories; whenever I face hardship, struggle, or doubt, they will always remind me where to seek help.

I feel that I have awakened and am earnestly seeking God, truly living in His plan and freely growing, walking on a right, clear, and unrestrained path with persevering hope, knowing that this is the right road and that it will bear abundant fruit. In my heart I understand that pain and hardship have laid a stronger and firmer foundation for my faith. This life experience has been like a catalyst, igniting new vision and awakening, spurring me to press forward on the road of life. I thank God for introducing Himself and His precious people into my life. He healed me from the inside out, turned ashes into beauty, and brought joy out of dark shame. Even in this broken age, I can now see clearly and focus on its sweetness. Though I cannot fathom His glory, from this point on I will forever marvel at it, live for His love and glory, and proclaim His wonderful grace in all the relationships I encounter in the future.

Kevin